Sotry One, Episode Three: The Forest of Fear

Story: An Unearthly Child
Original Airdate: 12/07/1963
Doctor: William Hartnell
Featured Characters: The Doctor (#1), Susan Foreman, Ian Chesterton, Barbara Wright, various cavemen that look vaguely like modern day celebrities

Plot Synopsis: Our “heroes” get out of the Cave of Skulls and stuff happens... we guess. To be completely honest, this episode made entirely no sense.


Our Thoughts:

1:45 - It appears as if the oldest, ugliest cavewoman in all of Neanderthalia has stolen a shiny rock from Ringo Starr. We have no reason why, but judging by the music, it’s important to the story.

2:30 - The Doctor is one step above useless in the Cave of Skulls. We sincerely hope that this is not a trend.

7:10 - Another, far less ugly woman, is trying to help Caveman Ringo move the Stone of... um... Something to get to The Doctor. Said stone is blocking the entrance to the Cave of Skulls. According to Ringo, the stone cannot be moved. As he walks away, we can see the stone clearly move. Gotta love these production values.

7:55 - It appears that Ringo has incapacitated the old, ugly woman with nothing but an awful looking body slam. There is nothing we can say to make that previous statement sound any less ridiculous.

10:15 - Barbara is freaking out... again. If we took a drink after any time one of our main characters whined, complained or just started screaming for no reason, we would be drunk by now.

12:40 - Barbara is crying over the death of a wild boar. Wow. Just wow.

14:00 - It’s absolutely amazing how good Ringo’s hair looks. Sure, they can’t make fire, but they know how to make a damn fine shampoo.

14:30 - It seems as if Ringo has been mauled by an awful sound effect... I mean, a “monster” that just happened to be off-camera.

18:00 - The old, ugly lady and some other guy are talking about something. For the life of us, we have absolutely no idea what they said.

19:50 - How did The Doctor’s clothes stay so clean? We highly doubt the Cave of Skulls is a clean room.

20:30 - Did The Doctor contemplate killing someone? We think so...

21:30 - The old, ugly lady is dead - for real this time. Suddenly, all of the cavemen, including Neanderthal Terry Gilliam, Neanderthal John Bonham and Neanderthal Ron Pearlman are able to see her corpse using only their “mind’s eye...” and the video monitor that’s sitting just off stage, of course.

23:00 - Last image of the day - a caveman giving a dirty look. Hey buddy, don’t give us that look. We didn’t write this crap.


Overall Thoughts: Say what you will about episode two, but at least it made sense. This episode didn’t at all. We’re hoping that things will take a turn for the better once The Doctor jettisons the schoolteachers and the cavemen and meets a few Daleks.